Girl Gamers: How to Get Respect on Ventrilo (and in other Situations)
“Girls don’t play WoW (or other online games.)” Ladies, we’ve heard this over-used saying enough to make some of us pretty agitated. And the funny thing is, we don’t just play the games – we often play them better than our male counterparts. Whether it’s meant as a joke or an insult, it gets old.
There’s not much we can do about being the minority in the gaming world. One thing we can do, however, is make sure that the guys know who’s boss, and make sure they listen to us. Whether you’re fourteen or forty, *certain* (not all) male players will go crazy if they find out they’re chatting with a real-life female.
As an avid World of Warcraft player myself, I know what it’s like to interact over Ventrilo (or another VoIP) where you’re talking to what you can guess is a 40-year-old virgin. I understand what you’re going through when you’re in a raid and a guy won’t stop hitting on your female voice long enough to actually kick some ass, or when some douche is saying in-game insults about your lady parts. Trust me: I know what it’s like. In this guide, I’ll explain how to get them to stop it (or encourage it, if that’s what you’d like.)
These tips are told mainly from a raid leader’s point of view (the girl who’s got to tell everyone what to do), but they can apply to any female player. I’ve come up with a comprehensive guide on what to do (and what not to do) in in-game social settings. Below is a list of scenarios that are likely to happen, and after that I’ve offered a few general tips for Vent, and then some general tips for other situations that can apply to any lady gamer.
The Scenario:There is light, flirty banter going on – either over Vent or in-game.
You like it:
If you like it, just continue flirting(?) or chatting lightly. Be sure to watch out in case it evolves into something more serious, or if it happens on a regular basis. You need to stop and think before you get involved in a serious online relationship.
You want to stop it:
So you want to stop it, for whatever reason – maybe it offends you, you are not into online guys, or you are taken. You should tell the guy to stop it (and try to keep the laughter out of your voice.) Keep telling him this repeatedly until he stops. Make it clear that you don’t like it or appreciate it. If it persists, kick him from the group (if you’re in charge), or tell the raid or guild leader what’s going on and that it’s distracting you from doing your job in the group. Hopefully they will put an end to it. I would not recommend leaving the raid group or quitting the guild over some light, flirty banter. We are girl gamers – we need to have skin that is a little thick.
The Scenario: A guy [acts] like he is crazy for you (either on Vent or in-game.)
You like it:
This is where it gets tricky. Depending on your limits (check out the General Tips section), you have to decide how far you want to go with someone you meet online. Depending on how long you’ve known him, or how well you feel you know him, it’s totally your call what to do. Just keep in mind that people can put up a fake image of themselves online, and you’d be none the wiser.
You want to stop it:
If its idol admiration, it might be a good thing to have friends in high places. If you really want to stop it, tell him that you’re not into online guys, you have a real-life boyfriend, or something of that sort. Hopefully he’ll get the message.
The Scenario: Someone (usually a guy) is saying extremely inappropriate things to you. These could include, but are not limited to: calling you mean names, teasing you, insulting your lady parts.
You like it:
If you like it, you don’t need my advice.
You want to stop it:
Don’t give him a second chance if he’s gone this far. You won’t seem like a mean/bad person if you kick him from the group or yell at him if he says things like that. Just keep in mind that some games offer features for reporting users for inappropriate content using the in-game chat. If you’re talking over VoIP, I would recommend giving him a piece of his own medicine, and then banning him and removing him from the group/guild.
General Tips for Ventrilo (or other VoIP)
Know what you sound like.I, for one, tend to get very excitable (shocker!). I know that I sound like I’m 20 (which is around my age), and I know my voice gets high pitched when I get excited. I know that my laugh is very laughable itself, and gets everyone else laughing. This is good for community-building time, but for serious raids it can get distracting. I have actually spent hours listening to myself, perfecting my laugh so it isn’t THAT funny.
Try to sound authoritative. This may be going to the extreme, but if you continually get people making fun of you and the other tips in this guide aren’t working, I would encourage you to get a voice changer that can muffle or change your voice. A lot of the time, guys will listen to other guys more than women, and not try to flirt with them.
Be serious in a raid or other high-pressure environment.Ok, so you want to flirt with that hot guy on the other end. That’s all good. Just don’t do it in the middle of a raid. The raid leader will get mad, and you will be distracting others when you should be focusing on killing the boss.
If you’re the leader, be the owner.I am a guild leader of a guild in World of Warcraft. My guild is a raiding guild, so we kind of need Ventrilo. Being the guild master, it is my responsibility (and I gladly accept it) to pay for and maintain a functioning Ventrilo server. If you are the guild leader, it is highly to your advantage to manage the Ventrilo server. To go on this topic, it’s especially useful for being able to kick and ban losers who try to insult you.
General Tips for Other Situations
Present a unified image. This might sound lame, but you have to be the same person from instance to instance. This is especially true in a game like World of Warcraft, where you are on a server, or in a guild, and you tend to run with the same people repeatedly. You can’t be a grandmother one day and a sixteen-year-old girl the next. Don’t get me wrong – you don’t have to share your age – but you should have somewhat of a single story (even if it’s made up.) People won’t think it’s cool if you never act like yourself. Another hint – make sure this “image” matches with what you actually sound like (and look like if you give out pictures to online friends.) Obviously some people don’t sound their age, or sound the way they look, and vice versa, but overall, try to match up.
Know your limits. Make a list of your set-in-stone limits on a sticky note and tape them to your computer (that’s what I do). These vary from girl to girl. Are you okay with light flirting? How about sexual innuendo? Are you okay if he describes in detail what he would like to do to you? How comfortable are you about giving out your personal info (name, phone number, pictures, address, etc.)?
*** What I would recommend about your limits ***
Personally, I am not in a position to go around meeting online people in real-life (and I don’t plan to be for the next ten years.) Because of this, I am fairly mindful of my personal safety, and I don’t give out my cell phone number to anyone I meet online. However, I play WoW, and WoW has a feature called Real ID, which allows certain friends (of your choosing) to see your real name. It enables those friends to tell that you are online, regardless of what character you are on. Because I realize how strategic this can be in a guild environment, I do add online friends as Real ID friends. (The company that makes World of Warcraft, Blizzard Entertainment, recommends that you only friend real-life friends as Real ID friends.) Since I am currently the leader of my guild and I need some way of contacting my officers, I do give out my instant messenger handles to specific people inside the game who I know I will need to contact outside the game in case of an emergency. I have also given out my Facebook to certain people in WoW for vanity reasons (i.e. to tell me I’m pretty.) I would tell you to give out your Facebook at your own risk, and to friend people you meet online at your own risk.
Be nice, but not too nice. You don’t want to be known as “That Bossy B****”, but you also don’t want everyone to think you’re a pushover. A general rule: if a guy’s saying something he wouldn’t say in front of his mother, tell him to stop it.
If it continues, get rid of him. If you’re in charge, kick him from the group (or the guild). If you’re not, tell the person who is in charge what the person is doing. If neither of these is possible, or if the person in charge is the one who is offending you, I would recommend leaving. If you can’t leave (for whatever reason), or don’t want to, simply don’t run with them again. I would not recommend “getting rid” of someone because of some light banter.
Don’t take it continuously. Trust me, ladies – there are plenty of other guilds/groups out there that don’t put up with this stuff. Most people don’t.
Don’t blame the group for one person’s wrongdoing. Occasionally, even the most badass guilds